So quiet.

Only my hair to brush, only my shoes to tie, only myself to buckle in.  A quiet ride to a late dinner downtown…just the two of us.  We can park down the street, we can walk that far, why not?  It’s just the two of us.

After we order drinks, we wait a bit before we order the food, why not?  There’s no hurry, it’s just the two of us.  Half a nut-brown & no interruptions…I talk his hear off.  Can’t help it, it’s so nice just to talk to him, to finish a thought, just the two of us.  We joke that we have mostly talked about the kids this whole time.

So quiet when we walk into the house.  Only Ponder to greet us.  We have only ourselves to put to bed.  There will be no Esther sneaking ninja-style into our bed at 2 am tonight.

Of course I’m wide awake at sunrise.  No!!  I try to will myself back to sleep.  Must.sleep.in.  It’s no use.  I am well-trained.  So quiet, I can hear the birds outside.  So quiet as I drink my coffee.  So quiet.  Okay, kinda missing the kids now.

When Paul & I decided to have babies, we knew that I would stay at home, that we would not hire help, that we wanted to home school their early years.  We want to keep them close.  It is not typical.  But it is, without a doubt, the very best decision for our family.  It is also challenging at times.  I get tired.  So a day off is a precious, beautiful little jewel.  I cherish it.

Because I do appreciate my kids more if I can miss them just a little every once in a while.  A day off allows Paul & I to reconnect.  It allows me to refill my well of patience which, I admit, is a shallow well.  A little part of me wants to feel guilty for saying this.  It isn’t fitting with these silly altruistic standards we mothers tend to set for ourselves.  And a little part of me envies other moms with careers or other moms who are kindergarten shopping right now.

But then a saintly grandma offers to get the kids for the day, & my mind spins, thinking about all the things I can do with that time.  That lovely, quiet, uninterrupted, leisurely, time.  My time to do whatever I wish…or to do nothing at all.  Nice.

That little bit of time, it’s all I need.  I am refilled, motivated.  When they come home they are somehow a little cuter than they were yesterday.  I missed them & I am so glad they are back home with me.

So guilt & envy be damned.  I love my day off!  And it is all that I need.  No matter if I spend it sweeping floors & making lesson plans…or laying in bed eating Reese Cups & watching Real Housewives…or writing this post.  It is my time.

Now, I wonder what the kids are doing….

~K

ps, thanks Linda!

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